Things The Boyfriend Did Today Instead of Writing His Paper That's Due Tomorrow That He's Known About All Quarter

So maybe that title is a bit excessive, but at least it's descriptive.

-Woke me up at an unreasonable time (before noon) to keep him awake
-Played with the cats
-Ate pizza (which would have been fine if it didn't take him over an hour to do)
-Peeled off his "locust skin"
-Forced the cats to cuddle with him
-Made me open an online bank account that I couldn't even actually open
-Made me call the online bank and embarrass myself by talking about my time of the month with a proper, southern gentleman
-Got burnt by the juices dripping off of the piece of meat I was holding
-Showered (I had no qualms about this one)
-Played a real-time strategy game on his computer
-Argued that the RTS is not actually irrelevant to his paper because the paper is supposed to be about the fall of Rome and the game has a Roman theme
-Made me rub lotion on his toe that was peeling
-Complained that I didn't rub hard enough so it tickled
-Offered me a chunk of his foot skin
-Threatened to eat his foot skin if I made him do work
-Threw away the foot skin after touching me with it, the asshole
-Made me watch a Lordi music video
-Made me actually like the video because of its theatrics
-Tricked me into watching more Lordi videos
-Gave me an extensive list of the things he did at work the previous night instead of write his paper which included:
---Playing Flash games
---Looking at 4Chan
---Searching for the specific remix to the 9000 power level Dragonball Z thing he wants me to see
---Finding a new background for his computer (which is this, btw)
---Trying to balance between two chairs
---Trying to poop, unsuccessfully
---Finally beating the Greek campaign on Age of Empires
---Checking his online bank
---Realizing he got his tax refund
---Trying to poop again
---Checking the online comics he always checks when avoiding writing papers
---Pirating music
---Reading several Wikipedia articles about the music he was pirating
---Going to ESPN.com
---Lamenting about having missed the 2010 NFL draft
---Pretending to go poop a third time (knowing it was fruitless) so he didn't have to work but bring the book on Rome he's supposed to be reviewing with him
---Probably working at some point

Finally wrote an outline for his paper:

Opening paragraph – BS about author and how amazing he is.
2nd paragraph – explain what the central view is, and what the author wants to prove.
3rd paragraph – begin chapter by chapter breakdown, how they involve the central view.
4th paragraph – continue chapter breakdown as needed.
5th paragraph – reasons why the author might be full of shit.
6th paragraph – what ‘technique’ the author used to make himself sound important.
7th paragraph – why this technique is valid to the central view.
8th paragraph – more bitching about why he might be full of shit.
9th paragraph – insert additional bitching or fawning here.
Closing paragraph – more BS about how amazing the author is; summarize essay.

That's verbatim from his word document. To be fair, though, he did stay up for 24 hours to do all of this.

Meanwhile, I was super productive today despite The Boyfriend's best efforts to use me as a distraction, and I made a pizza, a pot roast and ANOTHER BLOG! That's right! Though this one may be less entertaining for you. You can find it at http://misswritewell.blogspot.com, though nothing may be there right now. I figure, there's really only one skill I have--writing--so I may as well monopolize on it. I'm going to use that *blog as a database-type writing tutor for students, I think, with articles about essay writing and style and general "rules" about what an academic paper should be. I may even make cartoons for it. As an online writing tutor I've scoured the internet for good, spelled-out but language-appropriate sources for undergrads to link my tutees to so they'll have the proper information, but it's tough even for me and I know what I'm looking for and I know what's correct and what's not. So, fuck em: I'm gonna make it!

*My grammar is not always correct, nor do I ever plan it to be, so try not to find it ironic that my writing about my writing blog or my writing in my writing blog may be imperfect. I'm not a robot!