Some Things A Lot of People Don't Know About Me

Check out Mags and Mrs. Brown for the same topic.

I'm going to do a little list because I can't think of one, overall, THING except maybe weird sexual practices and I feel like I'm not allowed to talk about those.

1. I am hot.  Like, really hot.  Seriously, you don't even know.  You should see me in knee socks and nothing else.  Actually, you shouldn't if you want to live past that moment because you'd melt and die from the sheer hotness.  I mean, Mr. Brown just took a picture of me and I wasn't ready, but I'm not concerned because it's going to come out fantastic because I am so hot.

2. I don't really like mac n cheese.  Just kidding!  I fucking LOVE mac n cheese.  The real number 2 is I am a goddamn laugh a minute.

3. I am terrified of everything.  I don't keep my fears a secret, but they're way more intense than even I make them out to be.  Sometimes I jump up when I'm in bed alone and go turn on the light because, in the light, the scary things can't get me.

4. I believe I am wholly responsible for Princess Diana's death.  This is the first time I've ever said this outside of my head.  Never even written it to myself.  I know, I'm a freak, but I totally believe this. So, here's the story:

I've had phases of being extremely superstitious.  When I was ten I was going through one of those phases.  When I was that age I was also dabbling in other kinds of beliefs and was really interested in witchcraft and sombre poetry and the like.  You know, regular kid stuff.  Anyway, I distinctly remember being in the living room, sitting on the couch, it being very quiet, and I was thinking.  Really hard.

And I wished myself dead.

I wasn't unhappy in the least, and immediately afterward I took it back.  I think I did it because I was interested in what happened after living and that junk.  So I quickly took it back because, obviously, it was going to come true because I'm just that powerful and there was some all-powerful entity just waiting to bow to the every whim of ten-year-old me.  And then, what feels like seconds later in my mind, but could have been days, I learned about Princess Diana dying.  So many people were so upset.  And then I realized that my wish was too powerful to just disintegrate, but it couldn't be used on me because of course, I had overruled it, so whatever force was going to grant my wish HAD to use it on someone, and that someone was her.

I killed the Princess of Wales.  Killed her dead.

And, to this day, I still believe that.  I still wish now that I had been quick and thoughtful enough to take back my wish-o-death and protect everyone, but I wasn't.  I was a dumb kid, playing with a power I couldn't fathom.  And for that, all of England had to suffer. And I've never told anybody except for you, internet.

So, number 4 is really I am totally, bat shit crazy.